I’ve been lucky enough to welcome a flurry of new clients’ to the clinic over the last few weeks. And it’s those lovely people that have inspired this weeks blog.

The usual welcome greeting to new clients’ down in reception is, “Hi I’m Becki, it’s really nice to meet you (shake hands). Then as we head upstairs there might be a chat about the weather (always), or how awful the parking is (typical), or maybe “Did you find us ok? (often).

When in the room, I give the client chance to get comfortable on the sofa, take in the surroundings and then we start. I ask, “So how do you feel about being here today?”. This is potentially one of the most therapeutic questions I could ask a new client – it tells me a lot about them and it tells them something about me. The responses, are varied :

“I don’t know why but I feel so emotional (tears)”

“I feel really anxious and apprehensive”

“I feel so weak and upset with myself that I’m not stronger and that I need help”

“I’m really looking forward to it” (rare)

“It feels like I have so many problems I don’t know where to start”

“I think I’ll be your most broken client” etc etc

After 32 years, I’ve heard so many variations of the above. Each response tells me a lot about the stranger sat in front of me and it opens up an enlightening conversation.

I do my utmost to convey to the client that their feelings, on presentation are to be expected. Most have not met me before. Some request an initial phone chat ahead of booking, so they will have a ‘flavour’ of me and how I can help. Some have come through the website, so those have seen my services on offer and a photo of how I look. Some new clients’ sit in front of me having tried therapy elsewhere – but for a variety of reasons, they need a fresh pair of eyes on their problems. And some, have never reached out to a therapist like me before.

The common denominator, is that all clients’ that sit in front of me – for whatever reasons they need my help – are all out of other options. They don’t have enough ‘marbles’ in their jar. I’m often the last port of call.

I use the ‘marbles in the jar’ analogy all the time in clinic. There is a jar half full of marbles in my room. The marbles represent resources – emotional, physical, spiritual etc. Life and its challenges are like ‘hands’ reaching into the jar and stealing marbles. For some, the theft is constant. If we are not taking consistent action to add or replace the lost marbles, then we can very quickly find ourselves with only a few rolling round the bottom of the jar.

And then……..life deals us a really tough blow – a death, a health diagnosis, a redundancy, a relationship breakup etc, and the hand of life reaches in until we have no resources and we are on our knees. We can’t function. We can’t cope. We fall apart. We breakdown. It’s often at this point, I get contacted.

Marbles can be added into the jar via ANY personal development. That can look like reading, watching/listening to podcasts, You Tube videos, TedTalks, therapy, exercise, attention to diet, nutritional supplements, positive social experiences, giving back, random acts of kindness, paying compliments, moments of fun and laughter, gratitude, journaling, meditation, intentional breathing etc etc etc. I have, sadly, seen on many occasions the negative effects to a client and their loved ones, where attention to their marble jar has been neglected. And in times of deep challenge, they face a long, uphill struggle in an attempt to recover.

So, back to the “How do you feel about being here today?”……..as part of my response, I tell my clients that i really do understand how daunting it can feel to sit with me. I know that they sense talking about their problems may feel painful. I know it can sometimes take a client years to contact me. I don’t take their apprehensions lightly. I tell them that I will do the very best I can to accommodate their needs, enabling them to feel at ease in my company. I hear them. I get it. I have often been known to say, “I’m not everyone’s cuppa’ tea, but I’m really ‘normal’ and down to earth, and I’m really good at helping people to get better”

My clients welfare is always, at the forefront of my mind. I’m an empath – definition – “a person who has a profound ability to sense, absorb and experience the emotions and mental states of others……actually internalising those emotions as if they were their own”. That’s why I can do my job. I care.

In my experience, most of us just want the uninterrupted time and space to be heard. And as a coach, I listen and based upon what I hear, my professional experience and trainings, and my real life lived experience – I’m qualified to give advice. We can talk about the problems all day, but what are we going to DO about them? That’s my approach – lets take some action and get some marbles back in that jar.

I’m not everyone’s cuppa tea, but I am here and if you can be bold, brave and reach out, if you allow me to, I can help.